Forgiveness

On April 11, 2018 by pampi

I’ve forgiven you, my love
But I fear you have left no space for us at all

Only enough for us to see a great divide
And only just enough that to reach you I must walk a treacherous path to this edge so injurious
It taunts me to jump
But in loving you I cannot walk it
For in loving you as I have learned to love myself
I must not jump

Our love is great in that I will not abandon myself for you

It is unfair for you to have asked it of me
And I know you know that

And as you have asked this of me
I know you do so because you’ve been changed
You act from what only shame can do to transform a love so precious into something laden in such hideous dulling poison

[No
It is you who stole from me, you who didn’t ask for consent, you who disappeared me, you who acted disingenuously, you who could not help digging into my vast vulnerability, you who gaslit me, you who took on more than we’d agreed to, you who acted on your taught distrust of my softness, you who disrespected me knowing I stand alone, you who could not accept my lines, you who read my trauma as rejection, you who created a situation where our terms of engagement were compromised, you who could not accept my apology, you who would not give up power, you alone]
No
It is up to you to do the great work
Undo that divide

And I will not be hoping for it

But if you begin that work
I will watch from where I stand
Until there is but a furrow left
I will then walk to you, fall onto my knees and reach with my hands to smooth it over
As I might smooth your brow

But I too know
This great work is love
Love you no longer have for me

 

[I place in brackets a stanza I would not normally add, but as certain violence often remains acceptable due to the confusion that our toxic societies encourage, I wanted to be clear how I have been met with people who come close to me. Poetry is best left esoteric some might claim, but in my world it is better to be explicit and graceless if people might learn and own what they do to others.]

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