which keeps me policing the expression of affection
I have internalized that to desire to yearn is to betray myself and thus those whom I love
It began with me self silencing from singing.
ever since moving here i can remember my father singing along to songs by Mariah and Peabo Bryson – broadcast by soft rock stations
what didn’t escape me is the yearning for physical affection transmitted by these songs
they were respite these songs they were escape they promised a future of finally desiring and receiving affection
I am realizing now that in order to reclaim desire even combat normalized violence
i must ground into these love songs
Just like a meditation
I must sing so i can do the other things
It doesn’t mean i only have to be soft
But it does mean
When i go hard
I have an anchor so I can find my way back
And if ever there were conduits to reclaim my desire
Aren’t they Peabo most certainly… Prince?
And my papa ?
then I sang a couple numbers, one from Peabo, one from Prince