Thank you, Planned Parenthood #standwithPP

Sex is shamed
And that means by default
the body is shamed

Planned Parenthood offered protection when I had no place else to go
When I couldn’t even confide in friends the shame was that great
(though I had one friend who told me to go. I thank her.)

I was shaking going into the office
Because I was terrified of everything back then

I hadn’t even peed on a stick because I was just that scared
that’s how little care I had learned to have for my body

Completely dissociated from it
My body had become this thing
men were always groping
And I was letting them
Because that’s how severely I’d been bullied growing up as a brown baby here

“Can’t you see I’m a baby? I still have my baby fat!” I wanted to scream

How could I know my own capacity
(Pleasure being only as aspect)
When since twelve I’d been overwhelmed with messaging and touching that it’s about someone else’s

That it is not something to ever talk about
(With pleasure or otherwise)

That it is something to be kept under lock and key until the day a suitable man is found
Disgusting

I was armed only with the knowing that pregnancy was not an option

I didn’t want to become his wife by baby
I didn’t want to bear a child to term for a friend willing to adopt
I didn’t want
I wasn’t ready

“This body is mine
I still hadn’t known pleasure
This baby is mine
She will come when I want her if ever”

Today I know I want no baby of mine to come into this terrible terrible world

I thank Planned Parenthood
For keeping me safe
My baby safe

I thank the counselors for teaching me that knowledge is power
And by that knowledge I eventually learned how to love the great miracle that is my common human body
A lifetime later

I thank the founders for their foresight and fight for the dignity of terrified girls and women living oppressed in the United States of America

I #standwithPP